Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize