1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
