last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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