Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
