You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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