how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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