I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i now understand why vodka
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
