I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
