About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
