I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
only you would photoshop your dick
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
