Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
