My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
