so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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