The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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