I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
