She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
