Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
