If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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