The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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