I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
