spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
