oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
