the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
