hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
