Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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