very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
