Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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