Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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