Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
