No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
