you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
