Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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