The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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