She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Randomize
