She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
did you just send me my own nude
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
