Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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