dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
