I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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