did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
