When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
