is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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