So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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