i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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