God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
