and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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