Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize