the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
