What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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