Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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