I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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