I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
