I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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