I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
