well I can't set my house on fire every night
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
