I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think people are normalizing furries
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
