My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
