Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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