Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
