That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
