What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
PANTIES FOUND
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