textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
