First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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