sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
