ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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