I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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