I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
