What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize