i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
