There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
