I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
