these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
