You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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