I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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