I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
