I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
