Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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