This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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