Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
