Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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