3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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