I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
