I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
