He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize