Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
