So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
