Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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