so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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