Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
