I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Houston, we have a squirter
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
