Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
