Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
