Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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