I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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