Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
