I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Damn victory sex feels great
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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