your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
