Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
