listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
