NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
