I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
