I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
