he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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