I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
