Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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