How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
