$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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