my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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