i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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