Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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