I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize