dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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